From Self-Inflation to Self-Esteem: One Path to Personal Power

Writen by Douglas Frans

Of the many attributes of personal power, self-esteem has traditionally been considered the most important yet is maybe the least understood. Many people get self-esteem confused with an inflated ego and these are two entirely different beasts. Ego inflation is about a distortion of one’s view of self while self-esteem is one’s valuation of their authentic self. You can see why the former may be easier to achieve than the latter. The fact is that many of us don’t hold ourselves in high regard for a variety of reasons. We think we’re too much of this and not enough of that. We constantly compare our insides to others outsides and we measure ourselves by some imaginary social standard against which we always fall short. With an inflated ego we see ourselves as smarter, better, slicker, prettier, or whatever, than others based on little or no objective data at all in most cases. The most important distinction between ego and esteem is found in what they do for your personal power and your ability to function effectively. Ego is a fleeting thing that distorts our view of ourselves and the world while esteem provides a foundation of power, rooted in genuineness, which translates into an ability to seek out and realize a broad range of life-satisfactions.

Becoming more self-accepting and holding your self in high esteem may be a partial function of the way you think about and value others. In other words, the extent to which you unconditionally value your fellow man with all their flaws and biases is the extent to which you can extend this same acceptance unto yourself. Some writers believe that altruism is a hallmark of the person who possesses healthy self-esteem; this tendency being the manner in which people of high moral development show love and concern to others. Unconditionally valuing oneself and others means that no matter how poor, unsuccessful, weak, sick, unattractive, immoral, or wrong a person is or no matter what group they belong to, you still care about that person’s well-being. Unconditional love means that you care about a person’s health and happiness. Unconditional self-worth reduces anxiety from fears of failure, rejection, illness, and many other sources. Unconditional love of self and others also tends to make a person kinder and more loving toward others. That is probably why research has associated unconditional self-worth as a significant factor of mental health and happiness.

According to some writers, the focus on self-esteem has fallen on hard times due to the problems associated with the self-esteem movement in the 60’s and 70’s, however, self-concept, a more precise and inclusive term, replaces much of what we currently thought possible with self-esteem programs. Self concept is more about a broad-based self appraisal of one’s self and the process of learning to value all of one’s various skills, abilities and appreciating the deficits that need to be addressed. In some formulations, self-concept is at least partially determined by one’s view of their own capabilities and the manner in which these self-beliefs inform the choices each individual makes. When individuals act on these beliefs, they will exercise a measure of control over their thoughts, feelings and actions enhancing self-concept, and self-esteem. In fact, how people behave can often be better predicted by the beliefs they hold about themselves than by their actual abilities. These self-perceptions help determine what individuals do with the knowledge and skills they have. Hence self-esteem as a traditional notion has less importance than self-efficacy and the individual’s drive towards fulfillment of their idealized view of themselves.

What this argues for is an expanded notion of self-esteem, one that encompasses the totality of an individual’s self-valuation and self-appraisal. I believe the concept of self-concept fits those criteria nicely. Self-concept moves the perspective further out from a narrow view of how well someone likes them self and suggests a more mature and realistic self portrait. Still biased of course, but that is the nature of any construct applied to oneself. At any rate, an improved self-concept would imply that one seeks to see him or herself in relation to the outer world but primarily in relation to and congruence with their own values. This would also incorporate ones beliefs about their own abilities, competencies and propensities as well. In light of this understanding then, what are some of the ways one can go about expanding their self concept and, to use the old language, increase their self-esteem? Here is a partial list of suggestions to get started:

1) Of course, like any major challenge, the hardest part is getting started. Most of us need some improvement in our self-concept, but how badly do we want it? Motivation is a key factor here and is the energy which will impel your forward momentum. You will have some measure of your motivation when you encounter your first tasks - are you willing to go through the process of change no matter how badly you want to give up? You may need to establish a couple of cornerstones of self- worth from the outset to support your efforts. Identify a couple of your sterling qualities that others admire and build upon these. Stretch yourself just a little beyond your comfort zone and you are off and running. That’s all change is, one stretch at a time. One minor achievement in getting started will bolster your enthusiasm for this whole endeavor. But don’t take the shortcut and “flee into competency”. That is don’t just focus on the things you already know how to do well. That’s been our refuge in the past and is the way of the ego, not a valuable self-concept.

2) Maintain a positive outlook on the world, toward others and toward yourself. This may sound a bit hackneyed and pass

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Anger: A Sign of Empowerment Or Victimhood?

Writen by Nick Arrizza, M.D.

Who hasn’t become angry at one time or another? I’m sure you’ll agree that for what ever reason, you found a reason to justify the need for your anger the last time you found yourself in that state.

So the question I have for you is: How do you justify your anger?

That is, how do you justify the fact that you allow yourself to feel, entertain and/or act out feelings of anger ever?

You’ve probably never asked yourself this question. The reason I say this is because had you ever done so you would begin to uncover a deep falsehood about the negative emotion we call anger. Let me explain.

A common trigger for anger is, say, a slight, coming from someone else that makes you perhaps feel hurt and like a victim.
Another example is more innocuous like something just doesn’t happen to go your way on a particular day. In other words, the universe is not looking out for you.

In any case, whatever the trigger I think you’ll agree that the actual experience of the anger is the same. For a moment re-familiarize yourself with that experience, that is allow yourself to feel angry and notice what it does to:

1. Your sense of inner peace and composure,

2. Your energy level once the anger has subsided,

3. To you concentration,

4. To your feeling of being in control of yourself,

5. To how it makes you feel about yourself, as a human being,

6. To your self esteem, your self worth, your self respect, the level of guilt you feel inside,

If you reflect on the sum total of these observations I think you’ll find that the anger is a “toxic” state because in summary what it does to you is that it robs you of your vital life energy, your self esteem among other things. Another way of saying this is that it is killing you.

Does that make you feel more or less empowered?

Does it make you feel more or less like a victim?

If you know what I’m talking about and you’d like to take your life to a new level of personal mastery then you may wish to hear the special messages I have posted on the web link below.

Dr. Nick Arrizza is trained in Chemical Engineering, Business Management & Leadership, Medicine and Psychiatry. He is an Energy Psychiatrist, Healer, Key Note Speaker,Editor of a New Ezine Called “Spirituality And Science” (which is requesting high quality article submissions) Author of “Esteem for the Self: A Manual for Personal Transformation” (available in ebook format on his web site), Stress Management Coach, Peak Performance Coach & Energy Medicine Researcher, Specializes in Life and Executive Performance Coaching, is the Developer of a powerful new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM) that helps build physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being by helping to permanently release negative beliefs, emotions, perceptions and memories. He holds live workshops, international telephone coaching sessions and international teleconference workshops on Physical. Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Well Being.

Business URL #1: http://www.telecoaching4u.com

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A Parents Role In Teaching Their Children Good Anger Management Skills

Writen by Steve Hill

In this article I write about a parents role in teaching their child good anger management skills. How many times have you been shopping in for example a supermarket and witnessed an over-aggressive parent shouting at their child? This is exactly what not to do, that parent is giving a very bad example to their child in this example.

It is very important that we act as good role models and set good examples for our children. Two bickering parents who are constantly at each others throats or shouting orders at their children to be quiet for example, relays the wrong message to that child. If that child then has problems controlling their own anger, it should hardly come as a shock to their mom or dads.

A calm house is a happy house. Both parents are going to argue and have their differences, however they need to be adult enough to wait to discuss their issues once the kids have gone out or are in bed. I am aware that this is not always easy to carry off, but if both parents are in agreement, it can be achieved.

I am a parent myself and am certainly not a perfect dad. I actually kind of cheat as I have a bribing system in place. I have told my children that all I expect of them is to try their best, as long as they do this, it does not matter what grades they achieve. Two years ago my step-daughter who is now twelve started to play up, especially at school. I was quite shocked when I attended her parents evening to find out that she had not handed in her homework, that she had made little effort in the past couple of terms and that she had been disruptive to other members of her class.

To say I was unhappy with her is an under-statement. I was very angry, however told her that I did not want to speak about it until we arrived home. This was my way of controlling my own anger. When we had arrived home, I stated to her that I was upset about what I had heard and informed her that if she had done well, I would have bought her anything that she wanted, up to a certain amount of money. She was quite shocked by that and stated, even the England football kit. I said that I would have but that she was not having it now. I did however agree that if she did well during the next few terms, that I would.

She has never looked back since, but my bank manager is not happy with the situation. We also have a weekly bribe. If both of my children behave during the week they can choose a toy of their choice on the Saturday, again within reason. If and it often happens they do not deserve the toy, I have no need to become angry as they just do not get the reward. This makes them annoyed. but teaches them a huge lesson.

You may think that I am cheating but it works for us and we live in a very happy, chilled out house.

In conclusion, it is important to act they same way that you want your children to. If you are always angry and aggressive, they are also likely to be.

Stephen Hill helps to promote a number of websites including:

stop smoking cigarettes

anti aging tips

stuttering information

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