Retreat and Think Things Over

Writen by Cassidy Summers

Anyone can be angry, that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right reason, and in the right way, that is not easy.” Aristotle 384 - 322 BC

Angry feelings are normal emotional reactions to frustration in our everyday world. Often we do not even know we are angry until the feeling hits us. Here is a list of feelings I get when I start to become angry.

Anxious, depressed, mean/evil, furious, revengeful, rebellious, sarcastic, resentful, frustrated, irritated, rage, destructive, grumpy, outraged, jealous, aggravated. There are many other feelings that are triggered when we get angry.

These feelings you get, can also be used as warning signs. You can use these signs to recognize a potential heated argument. There is a point of return, and there is a point of no return. Recognizing these signs can help you return to your normal state of mind.

When you are angry, you cannot think logically, you have no reasoning ability. Basically you have a one track mind, thinking only about the exact topic you are currently fighting about. It is hard to listen to the other person when you are in this mind set. You say things you don’t mean. You say things you regret. You have a 5% chance of solving the problem by becoming angry.

Using one of the tools I learned in my anger management class. Straight from the work book wrote by Dr. Tony Fiori and AJ Novak. “Anger Management for the 21’st century.” You must “retreat and think things over.” Tell the person you are arguing with; you need a break and that you will return shortly to discuss the matter in an assertive way when you are ready.

Say you are arguing with your girlfriend. You recognize that you are becoming tense. An argument is starting. Tell her this. “You know I am feeling a bit tense, I do not feel like we will solve anything by fighting about this, I’m going to take a 15 minute walk, Ill be back. When I return maybe after I calm down a little bit, we can talk about our problem?”

You have to commit to coming back, and you must follow through with coming back. If you do not come back, then your tool is of no use. Be very aware that you must return, if you say you are going to return.

So next time an argument is escalating. Stop for a second. Take a deep breath of fresh air. Recognize the warning signs. Retreat and think things over. Then come back and assertively communicate about the problem at hand. You will be amazed with the results.

Share This

The Importance of the Amino Acids in Substance Abuse Recovery and Relapse Prevention

Writen by Peggy Huff

I’ve been in active recovery from alcohol dependency for many years. I have watched thousands and thousands of people come into recovery, and just as quickly, they disappear, only to come back again and again, claiming a desire to get better. What causes them to go through that revolving door for so long, and why are they in so much emotional pain?

I have studied alternative medicine for 15 years or more, and have learned about the importance of diet and nutrition in the treatment and prevention of many “dis-eases”. I have personally corrected many chronic ailments within my own body, from Lupus to arthritis, to Fibromyalgia. I fully believe that if we give our bodies what they need, they will heal themselves. This belief is based in my own personal experience.

But what about addictions to harmful substances? There are addictions to marijuana, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy and a myriad of other “recreational” drugs. But equally as devastating to ones health and well-being are addictions to other, legal substances, such as alcohol, prescription drugs (anti-depressants and pain-killers), tobacco, caffeine, sugar, chocolate and refined, fatty foods. What is causing us to need or crave these substances? Well, our brains. Not our thinking, but our brain chemistry itself.

Our brains consist of tiny chemicals called neurotransmitters. These neurotransmitters include epinephrine and nor-epinephrine, GABA (Gamma-Aminobutyric Acid), serotonin and dopamine. They are closely tied to addictive behavior and addictions to many of the above mentioned substances. When in ample supply, these chemical neurotransmitters cause us to feel goodthat wonderful feeling of well-being we all desire and strive to maintain. But when our neurotransmitters are depleted and/or are being re-absorbed by our brain’s receptor sites too quickly, we reach automatically for something that will make us feel better by increasing these chemicals. This can be achieved through many substances, and is especially true alcohol, which is why alcoholism is so rampant in our society. It is a legal “fix” to our continuing feelings of restlessness, irritability and discontentment. But it is like putting a band-aid on an infected wound. Whether we get our temporary fix through alcohol or prescription anti-depressants or that giant Hershey’s chocolate bar, the cause of the problem remains unaddressed.

So, what causes our brains to loose the ability to naturally take care of ourselves via neurotransmission? Deficiency, plain and simple. A deficiency in possibly many nutrients, trace elements and essential fatty acids, but primarily in this case, amino acids. What are amino acids? The organic molecules that are the building blocks of proteins in our body. There are 20 different kinds of amino acids in living things. Proteins are composed of different combinations of amino acids assembled in chain-like molecules. Amino acids are primarily composed of carbon, oxygen, hydrogen, and nitrogen. Each protein consists of a different sequence of amino acids linked together according to the genetic information encoded in DNA.

Many are manufactured by the body, but there are also many “essential” amino acids that are not manufactured by the body and must come from our diet. An example is L-Tyrosine. This essential amino acid restores the brain chemicals norepinephrine and dopamine. Deficiencies of this amino acid can cause cravings for caffeine, speed, cocaine, marijuana, aspartame (artificial sweetener), chocolate, alcohol, tobacco, sugars and starches, which also increase nor-epinephrine and dopamine, temporarily. Symptoms of deficiency of L-Tyrosine are depression, low energy, lack of focus and concentration and ADD/ADHD (attention deficit disorder and attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder).

So of course we are going to reach for substances that will allow us to feel better, if only for a short time. And many of us end up on “anti-depressants”, which does nothing more than slow down the re-absorption of certain neurotransmitters, also causing us to feel better, but it never takes care of the underlying problem, and can be harmful to our physical health if taken for long periods of time.

So, the solution is to receive adequate amounts of amino acids into our bodies. This can be achieved through eating a healthy diet and supplementing our diets with high quality amino acids each day. Proper dosing is very important as there are certain contraindications associated with amino acids. One example of a contraindication (reasons one should not take them) is that certain amino acids adversely affect people who are on MAO inhibitors. There are others that can cause herpes outbreaks and can adversely affect those with schizophrenia. So, although amino acids are essential to one’s overall health and well-being, they should be respected, just as everything we put into our bodies should. Although amino acid supplements can be purchased at your local health food store, it is important to consult with your health care provider before beginning any new health regimen.

Bottom line: we must give our bodies what they need to function properly. The use of addictive chemicals and pharmaceuticals are temporary solutions to a potentially devastating underlying problem, which can only be resolved through a healthy diet and nutritional supplementation. Addictions and addictive behaviors are not a symptom of a weak moral character, but a matter of delicate chemistry that takes place in our brains. It is the continued use of addictive substances that may cause us to become weakened characters, but that is just a side-effect of our attempting to simply feel better.

About the Author: Peggy Huff is the owner and executive director of Essence Recovery Centers, Inc. in Asheville, North Carolina, a holistically based treatment center for all forms of addictions and afflictions. The core of the Essence program is based in correcting these specific deficiencies so those who choose to can lead a healthy and addiction-free life. For more information, please visit their website at http://www.essencerecoverycenter.com or call (828) 658-8198.

Share This

Pain + Blame = Anger

Writen by Tristan Loo

Early in my research on anger, I was asking prominent professors and psychologists to explain the anger process to me. Their answers of course were never simplistic in nature because they went into a level of detail that I knew the lay-person would have difficulty understanding. After I wrote my book, Street NegotiationHow to Resolve Any Conflict Anytime, I had a much greater understanding of anger and I found that anger really amounts to two things: Pain and Blame.

Pain is Like Gasoline

Think of pain as the fuel for a fire that is anger. Pain is your gasoline for your anger. When I refer to pain, I mean both physical or emotional pain. Pain is a warning signal or stimulus to your mind that you are about to get injured, either physically or emotionally, and that it’s time to place as much distance from that pain as possible in the act of self-preservation. This is what generates the famous “fight or flight response” from our sympathetic nervous system.

Now let’s go back to the gasoline analogy. We know that gas is very dangerous near an open fire. But is gas in and of itself something to be feared? Not really. It’s controllable and we bottle it up and ship it all over the world. We sit right underneath about 15 gallons of it everyday on our way to work. Gasoline, just like pain, does not start fires by itself. Gasoline only becomes deadly when the fire has begun and the gas is fueling that fire to burn hotter and more out of control. Remember that a fire can’t be put out if gas is still being fed to that fire. To stop a fire that has already started, that source of fuel must first be shut off.

Blame is Like the Lighted Match

So if pain does not start anger, then what does? Well, it’s the combination of pain and blame which make anger happen. Blame is the act of choosing to make yourself a victim and the other person the villain. Blame creates the channel from which you can project all your pain out towards another person. A lot of psychologists will refer to this as trigger thoughts, but essentially it’s the act of defaulting responsibility for your actions onto another person and assuming the role of a victim. Blame is the lighted match that sets the pain on fire. Blame on its own, in absence of pain, is like a wooden matchyou can light it up in the beginning, but without any source of fuel, it quickly burns out on its own. However, if you bring blame in direct contact with pain, then what you get is one heck of a fire.

To give you an example: I once hit my shin on the corner of a wooden coffee table as I was walking through the living room of my house one day. It hurt like hell. I was so pissed off at the table for “hurting me” that I kicked it and broke one of the legs to the table. Yeah, inside I felt an evil sense of revenge because I told that table who was bossthat was until I tried setting a glass of juice on that same table later that day only to have it fall off and onto the carpet because of the broken table leg. Blame makes us feel good in the short run, but the long-term effects it has on our relationships can be devastating. Just like when I broke my coffee table, blame can make us feel great and in control because we are venting our pain away, but it can also permanently damage our relationshipsor, in my case, my nice coffee table.

Pain Can’t be Avoided, Blaming Can

So then you might askhow can I manage my anger? Well, we have very little control over the amount of pain that we experience our lives. We can never truly avoid accidents, or headaches, or stomach pains, or breakups, or conflictsthese pains that we experience are a normal part of the life process. What we can change in the anger formula is the blame. We choose to blame someone, something, even ourselves for our pain, but that doesn’t need to happen. We blame because then it erases our responsibility for our own actions and instead projects that responsibility onto another person. Blame is an easy way to get rid of pain, but with serious consequences. We blame when we cannot fully express our own feelings, either to ourselves or to others. Instead of blaming, try to simply express your feelings openly without any blaming, judgments, or accusations. Do this by using, “I feel” statements, rather than “you” statements.

This is more difficult than it sounds, but if you practice during normal conversations expressing how you feel, instead of focusing on the actions or behavior of the other person of which you have little or no control over, you will condition yourself to respond compassionately, rather than with anger.

Remember, pain comes to us all, but we have the choice of starting the anger process by blaming the other person, or we can choose to express our pain without blame and deal with the situation compassionately.

Tristan Loo is the founder of the Holistic Communication Institute, a personal development company based out of San Diego County, Calfornia. Tristan has a unique blend of experience as a former police officer, author, communication expert, mediator, and negotiator. Tristan learned that the power of success, influence, and conflict resolution lies in the ability to communicate effectively with both yourself and with others–a term he calls holistic communication.

For FREE Articles and Products, please visit our website at http://www.acrsonline.com or email us directly at info@acrsonline.com

Share This