I’m So Mad, I’m Going to Explode!

Writen by Elaine Hamilton

Since becoming a mother over 4 years ago, I have slowly gone from ‘Average Drama Queen whose World Revolves Around Her’ to ‘Raving Lunatic Mum Who Shouts Too Much and Hyperventilates’.

I can see that my previous life of highly strung self-absorption was not going to be the best precursor to ‘Earth Mother’ but neither was I prepared to enter into the concept that I might actually end up on one of those ‘Parenting Nightmare’ reality TV shows popping up all over the place. Yet here I am, writing about Anger Management, and speaking from painful (and as yet not fully resolved) experience.

So, here’s my take on Anger management and different ways of looking at the monster within.

1. Anger is just a symptom of a bigger problem, it is not the problem itself - and neither is the thing you’re getting upset about. So give yourself some slack and next time you blow your top try to step back and remember that there’s another issue going on under all this that is making you steam.

2. When you get angry its a sign that something is not right, either you feel taken advantage of, or you feel suppressed, or you feel out of control, or or or. But as a sign, this is a USEFUL thing, not something to shy away from. Its OK to acknowledge anger as a sign that something is up, you just don’t have to then go forwards with it and smash up the crockery.

3. Once you see anger as the sign or a symptom and not the enemy, then you can start digging for the real root cause. This has a lot of power. Instead of letting anger take you on its ride you can stop short and say ‘hey, I’m feeling angry, what’s up with that?’ I know, sounds lame - but it works!

Here’s a classic example, sleep depravation. My kids don’t sleep - in fact I can count the number of full night’s undisturbed sleep I have had in the past 4 years on one hand, I’m sure many of you can relate. When I have had a particularly bad run of sleep depravation I wake up grumpy and I just know my day is going to suck. And so it does.

Now, if I have my wits about me, I can alarm bell myself and think “Ah, you’re just crabby because you are overtired. It’s not your fault and it’s not your children’s fault, it just is. And it will be better tomorrow”. It’s amazing how well it works. YES I still get cranky and have a short fuse, but I actually tell my kids this (they are only 4 and 2 but they get it), I even go so far as to say “Sorry if I’m a bit cranky and snappy today, I’m just tired”. Now, I’m sure some expert or other will tell me I’m doing a terrible thing, but to me and my kids I am outlining the real root cause of my anger - sleep depravation - and keeping watch that I don’t damage my relationship with my kids by making it their fault.

Understanding that the feeling of anger is simply an alarm bell for something else has helped me enormously, and it also helps me to disperse it. Watch your children for great examples of this! Last week we were away for a family holiday with another family with kids - by day 3 all the kids were screaming and fighting and hitting, utter chaos! I separated my eldest and we went for quiet time, whilst colouring I asked her to explain to me more about her aggressive feelings and why they were coming up. She said simply “I’m getting too excited”, when I asked her what she needed me to do to help her to calm down, she said “I’d like you to play with me by myself” I understood her to mean she needed some quiet one on one attention, she needed for things to slow down, and she needed a quieter environment. When all her needs were met, she calmed right back down and the fighting stopped.

When is the last time you really looked at your own unmet needs? Whether it’s more sleep, more quiet time, slowing down, asking for help - your anger is a symptom that somewhere your needs are not being met. Instead of taking it out on the children, your spouse, the pillow, why not say ‘thank you for the warning!’ and get your needs met instead!

Elaine Hamilton, Life Coach and Reiki Master Teacher, has been teaching and speaking internationally since 1995 helping thousands of people through her workshops and personal consultations.

Elaine is founder of http://www.Wahara.com, the first global community of specialist Coaches blogging and sharing their expertise online. Visit Wahara and download the incredible free etips ‘Key Success Factors - the top contributors to success’ including tips and secrets from our specialist Coaches. Find out what our expert Coaches tell their clients all in one great Esource! Or simply email wahara@aweber.com to be automatically enrolled

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Anger Management: Effects of Anger on You and Me

Writen by Jeff Herring

Q. I’m trying to learn all I can about this thing they call anger management. I get angry a bunch, though I think I hide it well and it really hasn’t affected that many people. Is it wrong to get angry? What should I be doing differently?

A. I’m willing to bet that you don’t hide your anger as well as you think because if we are feeling something, especially something as strong as anger, it is going to get expressed somehow.

This is because what we don’t talk about we act out.

You may not act it out in profoundly obvious ways, but it comes out. It may be in tone of voice, reacting instead of listening, or in a dozen other ways. It will come out.

Your anger effects others

You are thinking (perhaps hoping) that your anger has not had much of an effect on those around you. I’m going to ask you to do something that might be a little threatening. Ask those close to you your wife, kids, friends, co-workers how they believe your anger has affected them.

I bet you will be surprised, embarrassed, perhaps even chagrined by what you hear.

If you want to confront this stuff head on, also ask those who are closest to you how they have suffered in response to your anger.

For either question, strap yourself in; you could be in for a heck of a ride.

Your anger effects you

The surprising thing is that anger doesn’t just affect others in a negative way, it hurts us, too. According to Frederick Buechner:

“Of the seven deadly sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel of both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.”

Consider the result of this study:

Doctors from Coral Gables compared the efficiency of the heart’s pumping action in 18 men with coronary artery disease to nine healthy controls. Each of the study participants underwent one physical stress test (riding an exercise bicycle) and three mental stress tests (doing math problems in their heads, recalling a recent incident that had made them very angry, and giving a short speech to defend themselves against a hypothetical charge of shoplifting). Using sophisticated X-ray techniques, the doctors took pictures of the subjects’ hearts in action during these tests. For all the subjects, anger reduced the amount of blood that the heart pumped to body tissues more than the other tests.

Everyone gets angry. It’s what we do with our anger that matters. Once you become angry, you have three choices about what to do with it:

One is to feed the anger by running the perceived wrong over and over again in your mind.

Or you can find someone to blame and focus on how they should not have done what they did.

The more you blame, the more inflamed things get, and the more inflamed things get, the more you blame. Traffic is a great place to see this played out.

Visit http://www.TheArticleGuy.com for more leading edge tips and tools for writing articles that bring you prospects, publicity and profits. You can also subscribe to our monthly Article Writing & Marketing Tips Newsletter. You are also invited to visit my Express-Start Article Writing Program for more information on the next article writing tele-seminar.

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Porn Addiction? 10 Reasons Why To Quit Today

Writen by Tess Marshall

1. Loving face-to-face relationships -You will never be satisfied with porn. It is important to touch, to laugh with and be with friends, family and lovers. Porn addiction leaves you with a hole in your soul. Real relationships will fill that hole.

2. Self-Respect - Are you tired of promising yourself you’ll quit porn only to find yourself dying for your next fix? Porn rewards you with self-hatred. Imagine waking up in the morning loving the way you feel about yourself and happy to be alive. That’s the life you deserve.

3. Self-Image - You probably secretly feel you are a scum bag or a big time loser. Your porn addiction will make you feel lower than a snake’s belly. Living in the shadows of addiction makes you feel unloved, unwanted and unworthy. You are none of those. You are just as deserving and loving as anybody else on the planet.

4. Fulfilled Dreams - Tess Marshall has a master’s degree in counseling psychology and a specialty in addictions. She has over 15 years of study, research and experience in empowering people to grow personally, build authentic relationships, and finding freedom from addiction. For more information go to www.KickPorn.com or www.KickPornblog.com.

5. Achievement of Something Great - Who do you admire? Do you have a hero or heroine? You are capable of making a difference in the world. The fastest way to get off the pity pot is by helping someone. Forget about your selfish needs. Go make a difference in the world!

6. Romance - Porn lacks romance. When you have a healthy partnership you can romance each other. Romance is filled with kind deeds, loving thoughts and actions, and everyday pleasure and surprise. Do you really want to miss out on that?

7. Stress Free Living - When you aren’t sneaking around, lying about where and what you’ve been doing life becomes calm and peaceful. You don’t have to constantly worry about being found out.

8. Less Debt - Porn may start out free but once hooked you spend money. The porn industry gets richer and you get poorer. Think about one thing you would like to own. Would you be willing to let go of your porn addiction to get it?

9. Time - How much time does your addiction steal from you, your friends and family? What area of your life suffers the most because you don’t give it your undivided attention? Freedom from porn can change that.

10. Your Life - The porn industry owns you. If you don’t believe me try quitting. You probably have hundreds of times. You are 100% responsible for your life Don’t waste it. You deserve the best life has to offer. Go get it!

Tess Marshall has a master’s degree in counseling psychology and a specialty in addictions. She has over 15 years of study, research and experience in empowering people to grow personally, build authentic relationships, and find freedom from addiction. For more information go to http://www.KickPorn.com or http://www.KickPornblog.com.

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