Easy Ways You Can Control Anger

Writen by John Doetsch

According to health experts, anger is defined as “an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.” Anger can be brought on by other external or internal factors. Anger can come about as the result of a fight, a traffic jam, a run in with the boss and even a past memory of a hurt suffered can cause anger.

Recognizing when you are angry and finding ways to control the emotion are very important. Anger can be constructive to a point but can very easily lead to destructive behavior. Let’s take a closer look at how to control anger.

Developing better problem solving skills is one way to control anger. Sometimes anger takes place in relation to circumstances that a person cannot control. When this happens, make a concise plan about how to deal with the problem and then pay attention to your progress in coping with the situation at hand. Do the best you can but do not beat yourself up if things do not go as planned. Just keep on trying your best.

Control anger by taking yourself out of the environment that is a breeding ground for more anger. Always take a breather from stressful times and schedule some down time or personal time for yourself every day, even if it is just an hour per day. Dom something you enjoy or something that makes you happy, such as reading a book, watching a movie, taking a walk, relaxing in the bathtub, gardening, going window shopping, and so on.

Learning to relax is an excellent way to diffuse a situation where anger is taking hold. Try some basic relaxation exercises such as using imagery or deep breathing to help you feel calmer and more centered. For example learn to breathe from your diaphragm, as breathing from your chest as most people tend to do, is not going to help relax your mind and body at all. Choose a word or a phrase and repeat it to yourself in your head whenever you are feeling angry. Suggestions are using the word “calm” or “relaxed”, “take a breath “,” calm down”, or “take it easy” imagery goes a long way in making relaxation a reality. Visualize a scene or a memory that helps to calm you and brings you joy.

Yoga is another way to relax yourself from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes. There are many different forms of yoga. So, make sure you choose the one that is slow and non-strenuous to the body. Yoga helps to relax the muscles as well as calm the mind. Other ways to relax in order to control anger include getting a massage or taking the time to learn to meditate.

Cognitive restructuring is another method of controlling anger. Put more simply, this means altering the way you think about events, people and the like. Angry people often exaggerate, blow situations out of proportion and leave all forms of logic behind. Always remind yourself that in the end anger solves nothing, instead it complicates situations even more. An attitude adjustment is often an effective means of controlling anger.

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Anger Management Practice: The Gift of Forgiveness

Writen by Charlie Badenhop

This anger management Practice draws on the dual wisdom of Aikido and scientific research. “The gift of forgiveness” will help you explore how to change long term anger into a wider range of life affirming emotions. It is a simple yet profound Practice following the Seishindo principles of Absorption, Utilization, and Balance.

- Absorb your upset feelings as you inhale, and feel what is there for you.

- Utilize your upsetness to help generate forgiveness.

- Remain emotionally balanced as you feel a wider range of your emotions.

This Practice will lead you to go beyond feeling angry or resentful and limiting what you are capable of feeling and appreciating. This Practice invites you to use the built up energy of anger or resentment, as the catalyst for generating forgiveness. The more you are able to feel anger or resentment while not fully giving into it and losing yourself, the more you will be able to enter onto a path of forgiveness.

Begin
As always, the key here is to take your time, speak slowly, breathe deeply, and pause between sentences. Keep each sentence short and concise. This is important. Long sentences lead to sloppy thinking and getting lost. You are to speak each sentence out loud if you are in a space that allows for this. It can often be helpful to repeat this process for several rounds in one sitting, letting your words change as you go along.

You might want to read through this Practice at least once, before actually beginning.

Choices:
In general, you can:

Choose between using and working with the concept of “anger” or “resentment” for each statement that you read below.

Or, alternate between using “anger” for one statement, and “resentment” for the next statement.

Or, use both terms at the same time, “My anger and resentment …”

It is totally up to you.

If your sense of anger or resentment is strong, you might likely have to do this Practice a number of times before you are able to fully agree with what you are saying. This is often an important part of the process. If necessary, please do give yourself the opportunity to speak the words while still feeling a bit out of alignment with what you are saying. This is part of opening up to the gift of forgiveness.

“Today, I am feeling into my relationship with …” (Name a person or situation that is troublesome.)
Pause, Breathe. Deeply, and Feel the Movement in your body as you sit quietly.

“Today, I am feeling into my anger (resentment) in this regard.”
Pause, Breathe. Deeply, and Feel the Movement in your body as you sit quietly.

“Today, in feeling my anger (resentment), I realize that I am missing out on the opportunity to experience the blessing of serenity.
Pause, Breathe. Deeply, and Look around at your surroundings as you sit quietly.

Today, I realize that beyond my anger (resentment), I would also like to feel a sense of deep inner calm.”
Pause, Breathe. Deeply, and Listen to your surroundings as you sit quietly.

“Today, I realize that I can help improve my overall emotional response to life, by giving myself the gift of forgiveness.”
Pause, Breathe. Deeply, and Feel the Movement in your body as you sit quietly.

“Today, I realize that I would like to exchange my anger (resentment) for a sense of peace and calm.”
Pause, Breathe. Deeply, and Look around at your surroundings as you sit quietly.

“Today, I realize that feeling a sense of forgiveness, leads to feeling calm, and at peace with myself.”
Pause, Breathe. Deeply, and Listen to your surroundings as you sit quietly.

Today, I realize that I can breathe in anger (resentment), and breathe out forgiveness and compassion.”
Pause, Breathe. Deeply In AND Out, and Feel the Movement in your body as you sit quietly.

“Today, I know that I can face my anger (resentment) again tomorrow, with a sense of serenity.”
Pause, Breathe. Deeply, and Feel the Movement in your body as you sit quietly.

“Today, I can rest in the grace of the world and be free.”
Pause, Breathe. Deeply, and Feel the Movement in your body as you sit quietly.

* * *
I hope this Practice will help you to fulfill the longing of your spirit. That you achieve peaceful victory over your anger as you travel ever closer to living the life your heart longs for.

Charlie Badenhop is the originator of Seishindo, an Aikido instructor,
NLP trainer, and Ericksonian Hypnotherapist. Benefit from his thought-provoking
ideas and a new self-help Practice every two weeks, by subscribing to his complimentary
newsletter on the website Seishindo: Accessing
Your Body Wisdom. On the website, you can also find out more about Seishindo
Anger Management Program
and watch our 26 minute video, which will give you a taste of what Seishindo Anger
Management teaching can be like.

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Four Ways to Handle Arguments in a Healthy Manner

Writen by Cat Tobin

Controlling anger or handling arguments can be the biggest challenge to face any relationship. The strongest way to battle this problem is to direct anger in a constructive manner. This may seem strange, but yes anger can be dealt with constructively. The easiest way to solve a problem is to find and get to the root of the issue.

If you find your days interrupted and thrown off track by major disagreements causing yelling, screaming, and just utter frustration - focus your energy not on the argument, but rather on strategies to defuse the rage and grow the relationship.

1. Redirecting Ammo. Avoid using your spouse or partners vulnerability against them. If they have told you something in confidence, redirecting these vulnerabilities can be very damaging to the idea of trust. Trust is the underlining and base of any relationship. Making your partner feel emotionally safe is of the greatest importance.

2. It is OK to be Angry. Do not ever feel guilty about feeling angry and thus suppressing these feelings. Negative feelings are natural. Recognizing anger in the proper manner and learning to control these feelings while directing them constructively can instantly solve many problems. When your anger is legitimate sort the reasons in which make it legitimate. This will then put yourself in better position to show how you truly feel to your partner and present solutions to possibilities of change.

3. Not an Enemy. Make it very clear that a disagreement doesn’t mean you are instantly enemies. No matter how much love exists in any relationship, know that there will be conflicts. Verbal and most definitely physical violence should never be brought into the conflict. Fair arguing limits the chances of that happening while preventing name-calling, cursing, screaming, blaming, and empty threats.

4. Perception is Key. Acknowledge your partner’s perceptions and overall emotions about the problem at hand. It is also very important that you look inside yourself for the same thing. It is extremely important that right and wrong ways of feeling do not exist in this context. Once again conflict and disagreements are inevitable. Finding a way to present yourself as a genuinely caring person who is willing to simply listen will help guide yourself as well as your partner or spouse to the root of whatever the problem may be. Perceiving the root of the problem, as well as the opinions of your partner will drastically help in creating solutions.

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