Anger May Not be What You Think It Is

Writen by Wesley Doherty

Even though you can identify anger easily in today’s world, anger may not be what you think it is. All you have to do is
spend a minute with the headlines and you come in contact with many forms of anger. For many of us, it is felt much
closer than the anger the headlines report: We feel anger towards others and the anger of others directed at us.

If the truth were told, most of us carry some degree of anger within us. We experience anger anywhere from mild irritation
all the way up to seething rage, and we can feel it once a year, once a month, once a week, once a day, once a minute,
or even all the time. But even if you only experience mild irritation once a year, you still harbor anger. Carrying anger
hurts yourself much more than it hurts the person you have directed your anger at, so it is in your best interests to be
free of anger completely.

For example: You are happily driving to work one morning, cruising down the highway in the right lane. As you come up to an exit,

a motorist in the lane to your left blows by you and and then immediately and dangerously cuts you off in order to make the
exit ramp. You bang on
the steering wheel, gesture wildly, and yell at him for being so rude and careless. You think about it all the way to work,
where you vigorously tell the story to your coworkers. You think about it often during the day. You drive home with your
eye out for the offending driver so you can give him a piece of your mind or maybe even dole out a little payback. You also
drive a little more defensively with an eye out to protect yourself from another driver who might do the same thing.
Once home, you retell the story to your family.

What has happened here is that you have kept your body on high alert all day. You have carried that anger with you all
day — starting with when you got cutoff and then every time you remembered the event or retold the story — and your
body responded to every reenactment in your mind or words with a rush of adrenaline, an increase in stress levels, a
contraction of your muscles, and a halt to your digestive and sexual functioning, to name just a few of the body’s
automatic responses to a threat.

The driver who cut you off, on the other hand, has felt none of these symptoms. He forgot that he cut you off before he
reached the light at the end of the exit ramp and went merrily about his day, never thinking about you again. You were
the only one to feel the anger directed at him and you were the only one to pay the price for that anger.

Anger takes many forms but they fall into two main categories: Anger expressed inward is felt as depression and anger
expressed outward is attack. Whichever category it falls under and no matter how we express it, your anger hurts you more
than it hurts the person it is directed at so it is in your best interests to be completely free of anger.

Here’s how most of us believe we get angry: Something external happens that wrongs us (a mate says the wrong thing,
a child misbehaves, a driver cuts you off, a person or group does something that is antithetical to a philosophy or way of
life you value, etc.) and we correctly and justifiably respond with anger. As long as you agree that this is the way anger
arises in you, you will be a slave to anger and all of its negative outcomes (alienation, excess weight, stress, illness, etc.).
As this is a world of cause and effect with our thoughts being the cause, to experience anger physically we first had to hold
an angry belief. If you want to be free of anger and its natural outcomes forever, you must first change your beliefs about
where anger originates.

As I’m writing this, I have been laying in a lounge chair in the sun. As I write, occasionally a hornet will land on me and
walk around siphoning off something they find tasty in my sweat. Once they’ve had their fill they harmlessly fly away.
These are the same hornets that stung me multiple times when I drove over their nest with my lawnmower just the week before.
People are the same: we’re just going about our day when someone does something that ticks us off and we feel attacked by it,
so we respond to the attack with righteous anger, knowing full well we were in no way responsible for the attack.

To that I say: “No matter how hard you squeeze a grapefruit, you can’t get apple juice.” Squeeze a grapefruit with varying
degrees of pressure and from a variety of angles and you can only get out what is already in there: grapefruit juice.
People are the same way: No matter how much pressure we are under, only what is already in us can come out of us.

When I was a kid I bit my nails, sometimes to the point of injuring my finger so it would get cut and filled with pus.
The slightest pressure on that finger would cause me great pain while ten times the pressure on the finger right next to
it could hardly be felt. Emotionally, we are the same way: We can withstand great amounts of pressure where we are healed
while small amounts of pressure where we are yet to be healed causes us to writhe in pain and react strongly. So if you feel
angry when your mate misspeaks, your child misbehaves, another driver cuts you off, etc., it is only because they are putting
pressure on a spot where anger and hurt already reside.

There are only two kinds of beliefs: a love-based belief and a fear-based belief. Anger is of fear, so when you are angry,
you are actually afraid. As a love-based belief always comes down to “I am enough” and a fear-based belief always comes
down to “I am not enough,” the original belief that makes you angry is a belief you hold about yourself that you are somehow
inadequate, that you are somehow not enough. I can remember one time hopping around cursing with my finger in my mouth because
I hit my finger with a hammer. When the woman I was dating at the time reacted to my pain by questioning my masculinity
instead of giving me some sympathy, I reacted angrily by questioning her ability to be compassionate. In retrospect, I got
angry with her because at some level I agreed with her–somewhere in my belief system I believed that real men are supposed
to be tough and feel no pain. Now that I have changed my belief about what a man is, I don’t get angry when somebody teases
me like that. They can press as hard as they like and I don’t react angrily because that sore spot has been healed.

When we remember that our thoughts create our reality, we can see that we don’t get angry as a response to someone attacking us.
We get angry because we hold a mistaken belief about ourselves as true and it manifests itself in such a way that we come
face-to-face with a pain we have been trying to disown. When we strike out with anger at the reminder of our mistaken belief
(whoever or whatever that may be), we reinforce our belief in our own victimization and continue the cycle of miserable
enslavement to a world that waits to attack. When we instead recognize that our own mistaken beliefs have created this event,
we empower ourselves to choose new beliefs and set ourselves, and those around us, completely free.

One Way To Become Free of Anger - An Exercise

As they appear, write down the things that make you angry. What was done? Did someone say or do something that hurt your
feelings? How was it said or done? Who said or did it? What did you feel–hurt, disrespected, judged, manipulated, envious,
imposed upon, anxious, depressed, worried, insecure, preoccupied, hated, hatred, sad, vengeful? The more specific you can be,
the better.

After you have a few events written down, pick one that seems to incite a stronger response from you than the others or one
response that reoccurs to seemingly different catalysts.

As thoughts precede outcomes, what thoughts could you be holding about yourself that would leave you feeling vulnerable to
an attack such as the one you have picked from your list? For example, I got angry when people teased me about my masculinity.
The belief I held about myself that left me vulnerable to attacks against my manhood was, “Real men don’t feel pain and I
feel pain so I must not be much of a man.” Write down all the “I am not enough” beliefs that come to mind that could have
you feeling so vulnerable to this kind of attack.

After you have come up with all the possible fear-based beliefs, pick the one that resonates most strongly with you and
rewrite it so it no longer promotes your wrongness. When I changed my fear-based belief to, “I am a man and I feel pain so
real men do feel pain,” I didn’t feel like I had been attacked the next time such a joke was made so I harbored no anger and
I was set free! Make this new, less restrictive and more empowering belief your mantra and repeat it to yourself 20-100
times a day, especially when an event occurs that sparks an angry response from you. You will find that over time, by
healing your fear-based beliefs about yourself (your emotional “sore fingers,” if you will) you respond with anger to
fewer and fewer things and with forgiveness and joy to more and more things. And the more forgiveness and joy you experience,
the easier your life is!

To your easier life!
Wesley

© 2006 Wesley J. Doherty/An Easier Life, Inc. By Wesley J. Doherty of An Easier Life, Inc. Please visit
Wesley’s web site at http://www.AnEasierLife.com for additional
articles, programs, and resources on how to have your easier life.

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Five Tips for Avoiding Road Rage

Writen by Kyle Varner

Road Rage is a term that, unfortunately, we have become more and more aware of as the media covers an increasing number of “road rage” incidents. We’re all aware of the shocking stories of mild mannered commuters turned cold blooded murderers, and we’re fairly certain that this will never happen to us.

We’re rightwe will probably never turn into a cold blooded murderer simply because some jackass cut us off on the freeway. While most of us are nearly immune to such heinous fits of rage, many of us fall victim to a milder sort of road rage.

I am guilty of having committed some pretty severe “road rage” infractions in my day. I was once punished in high school for some very uncivil things I said (or rather, yelled) at a bus driver in the school parking lot. On the DC beltway, raising my middle finger (along with my voice) became a reflex; it was almost as natural as using the turn signal. I wasn’t going to go out and kill someone; but my behavior sure could have gotten me killed.

This more mild type of road rage is very prevalent, and very harmful. Besides the obvious safety hazard that it poses, it is unhealthy and un-enjoyable for the Rager and his terrified passengers. The driver in a fit of traffic-inspired rage has high blood pressure (which has both immediate and long-term safety hazards), musculature tension, and high levels of adrenaline and cortisol. All of these things are a genuine hazard to a person’s health.

Some people have reported having nightmares, experiencing excessive irritability after driving, and excessive anxiety because of these episodes. It is apparent that the person experiencing road rage is harmed in a significant way.

The good news is that road rage doesn’t have to happen. There are ways to calm down and relax and deal with the stresses associated with driving in a healthy and productive way. Here are five tips that I’ve used to reduce my automobile related outbursts:

1) Breathing Techniques: I take a deep breath, hold it for a count of five, and release. Doing this several times actually reduces the tension that one’s body is holding. While I’m doing this, I imagine that stress, anxiety and tension filling my lungs, and being blown out of my body when I exhale.

2) Avoiding the aggravating situations: For me, traffic is aggravating, but it is more aggravating when I am worried that it might make me late. Therefore, if I’m going to be driving somewhere that is likely to have traffic, I’ll leave up to a half hour early, and bring a book or some work to do when I get there. Thus, my mind is put at ease and the traffic is easier to deal with. I also plan alternate routes that are less likely to get me caught up in a traffic mess. Each person has their own triggers for road rage situations, and it can be useful to sort through these triggers and try to avoid the stressful situation.

3) Posting Affirmations: I post affirmations in my car (one on my dashboard, and one on the wheel, right where I would press the horn. One of them says, “I am calm and cool because that is good for me. The one on the horn says, “I think before I speak”.

4) Preparing for the critical time: I have two stress balls in my glove compartment, a CD with relaxing music, and a bottle of water in my car at all times. When things get tough, I put on the CD, get out the stress balls (both of which can be used during stop and go traffic), and take a drink of water. This is an excellent way to being the breathing exercises.

5) Changing the mindset: I have seen a hypnotherapist, and I continue to practice self-hypnosis to deal with anger issues in my life. I’ve done a lot of work with the triggers that I identified in tip #2. Now, a lot of the things that were bothering me, simply don’t.

These five tips can take the painful edge off of your driving experience.

The important thing to remember is that the rage is in you: it comes from you, it hurts you, and it torments you. You may be angry at someone or something else, but that anger is an internal thing. You owe it to yourself to address it properly. It isn’t much of a safety issue for othersit is your own safety and health that is at stake. If you can change the way you react and the things you do, you can regain that happy experience of relaxing during your commute.

Kyle B. Varner, CHt is a Clinical Hypnotherapist practicing in Annapolis, Maryland. He maintains a blog, http://www.mindchanginghypnosis.com, where you can download his free hypnosis recordings, and offers self-hypnosis coaching.

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A Brief History of Alcoholics Anonymous

Writen by Morgan Hamilton

I guess you’ve heard about Alcoholics Anonymous. This is a fellowship of people who try to stay sober and help others achieve sobriety, as well. Alcoholics Anonymous, or AA, was founded in 1935. Two alcoholics who were committed to stop drinking and felt like helping others with the same problem established this fellowship of men and women. Soon after 1935, there were many Alcoholics Anonymous established in different countries. According to the AA website which is www.alcoholics-anonymous.org there are more than 100,000 groups and 2 million members worldwide. These AA groups do not require membership fees as they are self funded by voluntary contributions. One thing which unites these people is the strong desire to overcome alcohol dependency and stay sober.

Many people who are alcohol dependent look for treatment on their own, others rely on their families while some seek help because it is required by the court or their employer. There are many victims of alcohol whose lives have been disrupted. In many inpatient treatment facilities even if the participant doesn’t want to take part in Alcoholics Anonymous he is obliged to. However, most frequently treatment will not work unless the alcoholic is committed to staying sober. Many people addicted to alcohol have tried to stop more than once before they decided to seek help. Alcoholics Anonymous is for all those people who want to stop drinking and live a sober life. The AA program includes twelve steps through which the alcoholics get over their addiction and confront the problems coming along their drinking.

AA meetings are held all around the world at places such as churches or private meetings facilities. What is really great about the program is that all members are encouraged to be open and share their experience with others, but they don’t have to do that unless they want to. Of course, it is much harder for the new members. They should begin the program by finding a sponsor, someone who would be always ready to help them when experiencing a weak moment or just need some encouragement. The main idea of the Alcoholics Anonymous program is that all members can only take it one day at a time and one drink at a time. Every recovering alcoholic knows that the motto “one drink is too many and a hundred aren’t enough” is completely true. That’s why these fellowships actually work, because members work together to reach their goal - sobriety. It makes no difference what your profession is, how much money you have, how old you are or where you live. That’s anonymous. Everything shared on these AA meetings is kept a secret between the members.

Recovery is hard but precious. If you are an alcoholic but get the proper support and have motivation, you do stand a good chance of remaining sober for the rest of your life. But you will have to change your lifestyle; you will have to learn to take one day at a time, one hour at a time, and one minute at a time. This is the only way you could fight it, the only way you can achieve your goal - sobriety. Alcoholics Anonymous has helped thousands of people willing to fights against alcoholism. For further information and more details about the program you can visit www.alcoholics-anonymous.org or give us a call at the local office of Alcoholics Anonymous.

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