Mad As Heck: Learn to Control Your Anger Before It Controls You

Writen by Suzanne Lieurance

Until a few months ago Jared Collins (not his real name) was just your
average American high school student. He had plenty of friends, a part-
time job at the local pizza hangout, and a car of his own for cruising
around town.

But, one day Jared got “mad as heck.” Then everything changed.

First, Jared got mad at a teacher. It was an ugly situation. The teacher
wasn’t entirely in the right. She embarrassed Jared in front of his peers.
Jared didn’t enjoy feeling so helpless, so he reacted by threatening the
teacher. But that got him kicked out of school. Not long after this, Jared’s
boss came into work in a bad mood and took it out on Jared. Again
Jared felt threatened. He knew he was being treated unfairly, but what
could he do about it? Instead of realizing his boss was the one with the
problem, Jared reacted aggressively again. He told off his boss and lost
his job.

Without school, and without a job, Jared wasn’t feeling too good about
himself. When his parents tried to make him realize he was at least
partially responsible for the situations that had occurred, Jared got mad
at them, too, and left home. Getting “mad as heck” was now becoming a
behavioral pattern for Jared, a way of dealing with frustration.

The ironic part of all this was, Jared thought he was in control of his life
and his anger during each of these situations. He felt he’d been in
control of his life because he hadn’t allowed people (teachers, bosses,
or parents) to push him around. He’d dished out mistreatment just as
much as they did. When he hadn’t liked a situation, he’d gotten angry,
become verbally abusive, and walked out instead of standing around
“taking it.” He thought he’d been controlling his anger because - even
though he’d been mad as heck - he hadn’t become violent. He hadn’t hit
anyone, or broken anything, or caused any real harm to himself or those
around him.

Jared couldn’t seem to realize one simple fact. He was not controlling
his anger. It was starting to control him. So far, it had cost him his
education, his job, and his home.

In today’s world, anger has become a common way of dealing with life’s
problems for many adolescents just like Jared. And, just like Jared,
many of these adolescents lose the things that matter most to them. But
it doesn’t have to be that way. If you’re a teen who seems to get mad as
heck, how do you take control of your anger before it takes control of
you? First, by understanding this emotion a little better.

Anger is natural. But when it gets out of control it can become
destructive, just as it had for Jared.

Anger causes certain physiological and biological changes. When you
get angry your heart rate and blood pressure go up. The level of your
energy hormones, adrenaline and noradrenaline, increase as well.

Both external events and your own personal feelings can cause anger.
For example, a friend at school, or a teacher or a boss, can do
something to make you angry. But just worrying about your own
problems might also make you angry.

Our reaction to anger is also quite natural. We tend to react
aggressively, which just makes sense when you think about it. If
someone or something is threatening you, it’s necessary to protect
yourself for your own survival. This might mean fighting to defend
yourself if you’re attacked. However, once we start reacting this way to
every little irritation in our lives our anger can start to get out of control.
The thing to remember when you feel you’re losing control of a situation
is - you’re becoming frustrated with a person or a situation. Try to step
back and examine what’s really going on. What do you honestly have to
gain by blowing up and reacting aggressively? You’ll meet many people
who will treat you (and others) unfairly. You can’t control them. But you
can control the way you react to them.

Next time you feel yourself getting angry try these strategies,
recommended by the American Psychological Association, and take
control of your anger before it takes control of you:

1) Relax - To do this, breathe deeply, from your diaphragm. As you’re
doing this, repeat a relaxing word or phrase to yourself - something like
“relax,” or “just stay calm.” Practice this relaxation technique daily, so
you’ll be able to use it automatically when you’re in a tense situation.

2) Change the Way You Think - When you get angry you tend to “think”
in angry terms. Replace these thoughts with more rational ones. Try
telling yourself, “this is not a big deal and getting angry is not going to
make it better.” If someone is doing something that irritates you, rather
than verbally attacking him or her, try to state the problem and find a
solution that works for both of you. As you concentrate on thinking more
logically, you’ll begin to realize that you can get through this situation
without blowing up. Rather than demanding things (as angry people
tend to do), learn to say what you want in a positive way.

3) Learn to Handle Problems - If you’re getting angry because
something is constantly worrying you, then make a plan and try to make
a little progress towards solving this problem every day. Even if you
don’t always solve your problems in one or two easy steps, you’ll feel
more in control of your situation if you have a plan of action.

4) Communicate Better - When you get angry you tend to jump to
conclusions. Slow down and think through what you’re going to say
instead of just blurting out the first thing that pops into your head. Also,
try to really listen carefully to what the other person is saying.

5) Use humor - A little silliness can often defuse a tense situation. This
doesn’t mean you should just laugh off your problems, but if you don’t
take yourself too seriously you’ll probably be less tense.

6) Change your environment - If you know certain situations make you
tense, be sure to give yourself some personal time during the day to
relax and unwind. That way, when you do face those tense situations
you’ll be more apt to handle them.

It’s so easy to get “mad as heck” like Jared, and lose many of the things
that are important to you, so practice these strategies daily, or get
additional help if you think you need it. Just do whatever it takes to
control your anger before it controls you.

Suzanne Lieurance is a freelance writer, children’s author, and owner of
the Three Angels Gourmet Co. Visit her website at
http://www.suzannelieurance.com or read her daily food tips at
http://www.threeangelsgourmet.blogspot.com

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Dealing With Alcoholism in Yourself or Someone You Love

Writen by Ian Henman

It might be you, a loved one, or a friend dealing with the problem. No matter who it is alcoholism could very well be one of the most difficult issues you’ll face over the course of your life. Similar to taking drugs or smoking alcoholism becomes a very big burden to carry around with you. Knowing it can lead to great disaster and even death of the person it directly effects. When ever you find yourself dealing with alcoholism you should prepare yourself for the worst, but hope the best will come of it all.

The initial step taken when dealing with alcoholism is the alcoholic, or yourself must admit that a problem exists. Like any addiction, until the person addicted realizes there is a problem to them there isn’t one. How can you decide if a person has a problem with alcohol? Is their drinking out of hand, is it having a negative impact on their life, work, and relationships with others. If this sounds like someone you know then there is a good chance they do have a problem. How ever you recognizing it doesn’t mean there is a solution close by, dealing with alcoholism is a two way street. Remember you can’t help someone with a problem, if they themselves haven’t realized it yet.

Now of course all this is not to make you feel as though that person is lost or doomed. There are places an alcoholic can go for help dealing with alcoholism. Likely the most used and heard of alternative is AA or alcoholics anonymous. The people of AA have developed a universal tried and tested plan to help recovering and drinking alcoholics overcome their addictions. There are many people who even after they quite drinking continue to rely on the ways of AA to help guide their lives. To go along with AA there are similar support groups and programs that family members of alcoholics can attend dealing with alcoholism. These programs help them deal with the person, and how to help them cope with their new found sobriety.

Never forget that alcoholism is indeed a disease. While you may have trouble showing pity to those who suffer from it remember it could cause the death of a friend, or loved one. If you are dealing with alcoholism, and feel you have no where to turn there are places you can turn for help quick. The Internet for one can link you to online support forums, and also the closet AA meetings in your area. Don’t let yourself live under the guidance of alcoholism, find help and beat it.

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The Secret to Letting Go of Anger

Writen by Jack Elias

Anger comes from a sense, usually unconscious, of being small and lacking. This sense makes us cling to lower self qualities. Having lists of specific Higher and Lower Self qualities (like Patience, Kindness, Empathy, Compassion, Encouraging, Courage, and Gentleness vs. fearfulness, complaining, doubting, negative judging, shaming, and blaming) makes it easier to identify and shift our mood and state more effectively than just having a general idea like, “I want to be a higher state.”

I shared these with a client who was being challenged in their life by someone whom they perceived as blocking them from having something very important to them. It was going to be very important for the client to be at her best when they met.

The client wanted to be in a good state - no argument there, but when, I suggested that beyond picking Higher Self qualities to connect with, she would be more powerful if she envisioned and prayed for the other person to be in Higher Self qualities as well. This was initially resisted - until she saw how silly it was to try to be in Higher Self qualities while holding onto a bad opinion of the other person based on fear, blame and resentment - Lower Self qualities.

Important Tip - change your vision of self and other, not just self!

Her willingness was then established to pray for her adversary as well as for herself. However, when I asked her to wholeheartedly envision herself manifesting the qualities of her choice, she felt imposed upon - the word ‘wholeheartedly’ triggered a sense of impossible performance standard.

I quickly realized I often met this response to this word and also to the words ‘persistent’ and ‘constant.’ Spiritual instructions often use these words: pray constantly, make wholehearted effort, be persistent in your remembrance of God. I remember when I would get discouraged hearing such instructions, taking them as admonitions to uphold an impossible standard that I know I was incapable of.

Then one of my teachers explained that to be wholehearted, constant, or persistent meant to make a concerted focused effort for even just 5 minutes daily and relax and let go. The key was doing it daily for at least 5 minutes, and if you could do it in the same place and at the same time, so much the better. But then relax and let it go. If your affirmation or object of contemplation returns to your mind during the day, fine, but you don’t have to try to hold on to it every minute. She felt much better when I explained this.

So here is your invitation: Pick a short affirmation like, “I am healthy and happy,” or “I succeed with grace and ease,” or whatever works for you - refer to the Higher Self list of qualities and pick one you wish to be planted and growing within you.

Four more tips: Make your statement short and positive. Don’t be concerned about it being “true.” Just repeat it for 5 minutes, not 15 seconds, daily for one month - for 5 minutes and then let to go. But daily! Enjoy the results.

Have an exuberant day, every day! (Hey, that could be your affirmation!)

Copyright 2006, Jack Elias, All Rights Reserved.

http://www.findingtruemagic.com/emotions.shtml#angermanagement

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