Anger Management: You Get Angry, I Get Angry, All God’s Children Get Angry

Writen by Jeff Herring

The most important factor is what we do with our anger. How we manage our anger makes all the difference.

Pop psychology once taught that the way to handle anger was to express it all, to let it all out. That’s another way to inflame the anger, as it can keep you stirred up, and then the anger feeds on itself.

We have choices

One choice we have when we are angry is to defuse it.
Anger, and especially what we do with it, is always a choice.

No one makes us do anything in response to our anger.

How to manage anger and what we do with it begins with understanding from where it comes. It is rarely, if ever, the first emotion we feel.

The big 3 emotions

In order to get angry, you first must feel something else, and it’s usually frustration, hurt or fear, or some combination of these three big emotions.

So, one powerful way to defuse your anger is to stop and ask yourself which of the big three you are really feeling, and then deal with that.

When you effectively deal with the big three, you will have made great strides in managing your anger.

Visit http://www.TheArticleGuy.com for more leading edge tips and tools for writing articles that bring you prospects, publicity and profits. You can also subscribe to our monthly Article Writing & Marketing Tips Newsletter. You are also invited to visit my Express-Start Article Writing Program for more information on the next article writing tele-seminar.

Share This

The Fatal Aspects of Anger

Writen by Saleem Rana

Since anger is such a prevalent emotion in our high-stress societies, we tend to take it for granted. We even consider it a healthy release of pent-up emotions. Yet, at its extreme, anger can kill you or someone else.

When you are angry, adrenaline floods your body, thus stressing all your bodily functions to the maximum. Biologically, this is an emergency situation. It may have saved your ancestors by impelling them to use a club to ward off a charging saber-tooth tiger. And in a war-zone, it might be useful, too. But, as an aspect of daily life, it is a sure way to ruin the smooth functioning of your metabolism.

When you further consider how your blood pressure rises as well, you are talking coronary heart-failure as well.

Anger is deadly. And when it is expressed towards others, can quickly escalate into homicide. In fact, most cases of murder are due to an uncontrollable resentment toward someone else.

Even unexpressed anger has lethal side effects. It can escalate into all sorts of worse mental aberrations and unpleasant life experiences.

Anger, expressed or unexpressed, can ruin your life. It can kill you or someone else. It is not something that you should mistake for a mere character flaw.

Even at lower levels of hostility, anger can cause major upsets. It can ruin your mental and physical health over time, and it definitely ruins all your relationships. Eventually, it can even hurt you financially, create substance abuse, or involve you in a deadly accident.

Anger is nothing short of a brief insanity. After your rage has passed, you are looking at some form of devastation. During your episode of anger, you literally lost your mindyour bodily sensations completely overwhelmed any sense of intelligence.

We laugh when we watch movies like “Anger Management.” Yet the final joke may be on us if we permit anger to control us. Unless we take care of our anger it is going to ruin our lives.

Anger, like suicidal depression, is a mental illness. It is a brief loss of reason, an overwhelming desire to strike out and hurt someone, a manic lust for revenge at any cost. Like any mental illness, it needs immediate attention.

If one is subjected to uncontrollable bursts of rage, then this needs professional intervention. A professional healer will help you identify and remove the traumatic conditions that have upset you. Some of them may be so deep-rooted that you are even unconscious about them.

If anger is merely due to high-levels of stress, anxiety, and frustration, then a course of stress-relief is necessary. There are many books on how to reduce your stress through such simple measures as taking walks, having hot baths, getting a massage, doing deep breathing, visualization, exercising, listening to soothing music, or taking on some form of spiritual practice.

It takes a great deal of effort to build anythinga business, a relationship, or a lifebut it takes a few outbursts of anger to have everything collapse into ruin. Can you really afford to take for granted an emotion that can result in either utter failure or death?

Resource Box

Saleem Rana is a psychotherapist in Denver, Colorado. Free audio interviews on the secrets of achievement by some of the greatest success legends and free e-books on how to get what you want are available at http://www.theempoweredsoul.com/enter.html

Copyright 2004 Saleem Rana. Please feel free to pass this
article on to your friends, or use it in your ezine or
newsletter. It’s a shareware article.

Share This

Dispel Anger in 2 Simple Steps

Writen by Margrit Harris

“It really works!” “Well, I’ll be!”

BJ like so many others in the workshop was astounded that a technique so simple could produce such an amazing result. You must try it. Next time your partner flares up in anger do this. In a very non-threatening calm and sincere tone of voice say…

“You’re really mad right now?” or “Something I did made you angry?”

And watch the energy change. The anger dissipates almost like magic. A sense of relief replaces the intense emotion.

Most every time acknowledging anger in a compassionate manner diffuses the emotion and a rational conversation can continue. It works for life and business partners, for parents of teenagers, employers and staff, and even customer service representatives fielding calls from enraged consumers.

A word of caution, this technique is not to be used with the violent abuser, the rage-aholic, or a person under the influence of a mood altering substance. With this population this approach may well back fire and heighten the negative emotion instead of diffuse it. However, it works fantastically 99% of the time with those of us average folk who get frustrated and mad due to life’s common stresses.

Wait a minute though, we’re not done yet, there are two important keys to this ‘magic’ that you must remember:

1. Your tone of voice and attitude must be non-threatening
2. You must verbally identify the anger without sarcasm or belittling words

Yes, all it takes is applying these two steps correctly and you’ll diffuse anger every time. To assure your success let’s take a closer look at both.

Tone of Voice: This is so critical. If you come across the least bit hurt, angry yourself, or sarcastic you dispel the magic. Your partner, friend, child or colleague will get defensive and the anger will not dissipate. Your tone must be calm, totally sincere, warm and kind. For it to be that way you have to feel that way. Not necessarily easy if you are experiencing elevated emotions yourself. Therefore this tactic generally works best right at the onset of a possible argument and not when one is already raging.

So, the key here is act quickly, focus on remaining calm and genuinely feel for the other person.

Verbally identify the Anger: Formulating the right words is not as crucial as coming across sincere and kindly. It is important that you verbally state the perceived emotion, in this case anger. You may choose to label it ‘frustration’ or say ‘annoyed’ instead of ‘anger’ which ever you feel fits best. The important thing is to identify it in a questioning manner. Yes, it must be a question and not a statement of fact. You must allow the other person to confirm your assumption. If you express your comment as a fact your partner, friend, child or colleague is liable to stay anger and put up more barriers instead of allowing them to crumble.

Key here is to pose a brief question regarding the anger you perceive in such a manner that the other responds in the affirmative.

“Yes I am” is accompanied or immediately followed by a sense of release and a rational conversation is once again possible.

Where to go from here, well, that’s for another discussion, for now just remember to stay calm and focused on the issue at hand and you’ll do fine.

Remember, life is short… ENJOY!

Margrit Harris, Your Relationship Expert, provides Helpful Answers to Tough Relationship Questions for life and business.
Business clients include Wachovia Securities, Morgan Stanley and a variety of small business executives. While life clients range from college students to seasoned professionals. Author of StrataTips, practical weekly free Relationship Advice, and the ebook Can [I Make] My Partner Change?. Visit StrataTeam’s estore today.

Share This